Faithful One, You've overwhelmed my heart.

I've been resistant to blog this, but to my humble surprise somehow in the course of the last month I did in fact have the moment I had specifically asked God for. Never in my wildest dreams did I actually think it would happen, nor did I see it coming so soon. It was one of those nights where you know God is there because it's just too right, too simple, too beautiful to understand. This boy took what I knew of the dating game, and love and placed before me wholeness, holiness, grace, and a peaceful covering. He never once forced my love or fought my bucking resistance. He was sweet, confident and caring. He whispered words of life over me as I tried to convince him my baggage would be too much to carry, that my wounds were too deep to do this right.

"You're wrong," he told me. "God doesn't work that way. You will have a good life and those things you think make you wrong for this, are yours to drop whenever you want too. And when you're ready whether it's tomorrow or a year from now I will be waiting for you."

We were sitting on a park bench by a lake in my neighborhood. I remember as he spoke so close to my face that our foreheads were touching. He had me wrapped up in his arms and my legs were draped over his knees like a little girl. I felt so taken care of and yet so full of emotions that I had to close my eyes to sigh and before I could control it, a smile broke across my face. I sat speechless, "this guy," I remember thinking, "he's the one I've been waiting for."

Yes I realize I just revealed a very intimate moment that he and I shared but honestly I want other girls to understand that God has a way of mending years of unsureness, of cold walled up hearts and damaged mindsets in a matter of moments. It was not the fact the I have a new boyfriend that healed me, because I could have had a boyfriend a long time ago, it was coming to the conclusion that the love I thought I knew was not the same love that I was made for giving or receiving. It is genuine and honest and life giving and pure. It has no comparison or doubt. The Lord is forever faithful. Walk in that friends.

"Sho-mance" Please

I joke with my roommates about wanting a "Shoemaker Romance" because of (The Shoemakers) a couple I know of who met on a random isle in Life Way and got married four months later. They are the most in love people I've ever met, and their marriage radiates the Father like a flashing billboard. It struck me so much so, that it stripped my want for anything less than a love like theirs. Do I expect to actually meet my husband in Life Way, No. (Although if I do, it will be rather funny)Anyway, this is me documenting to all, that I have told God and I am special requesting a "Sho-mance" as I am going to dub it. Which means the it will go a little something like... Hi, I've been waiting for you, and in that moment I am absolutely positive I've found the one God has always meant for me.

Truthfully, it's probably not going to happen like that but as they say, "ask not and recieve not.." I met a girl tonight who said she met her husband when she was on a business trip with her mom in Nashville. She was from California so being in south was like a vacation and meeting her husband (a guy from Alabama) was the last thing she expected. Standing on a balcony over looking the hotel lobby from serveral floors up, she spotted a guy she thought was just too good looking so she rode the elevator down and walked through the lobby to see if he would notice her... he did. They stayed up all night talking and six months later they got engaged. Another "sho-mance"...I really hope my story is half that cool.

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.” — Romans 5:3-4

"God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and of sound mind."
-- 2 Timothy 1:7

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

feeling a little naked

Sometimes the past still haunts you even when you think it can't. Today was one of those days, and as secretive as I'd prefer to be about it, I feel like God's been teaching about just being honest with myself. So today, I hurt just a little for reasons that are beyond me, but I refuse to look back even when the ache creeps back in. God is still stripping me down of everything that is not in His will and I feel naked at times from all that has disappeared. That's got to be a good thing though, right? Progress atleast, even if nothing else can be claimed. God, thank you even on days like today, because whether it hurts or not, I know you are here and moving and that is proof enough to believe better days are coming.

There is a Harvest and it is for you.

Still haven't wanted to write much lately. It's almost as if making the transition to a more professional blogging state made it seem less fun and relaxing as it originally was for me. I think I could get to that place but I just haven't figured out the right formula just yet.

On a totally different note, I have a new thought, it's not totally original so don't give me too much credit. Let me explain it in "kendall terms". I had this misconception that everything you do that is "good" or "for God" should be done with the expectation of recieving nothing in return. I thought that you should just always live this sacrificing and servant life and if you aren't then you are selfish. Which is completely unrealistic to the average human being like myself and probably makes you feel like crap if you think too much. Here's the deal though, God is not like that. In Galatians 6:9 It says we will reap a harvest if we do not give up! Well, that tells me two important things: 1. There is a harvest 2. We are totally allowed to expect one.

You know, in my life, that changes things. God does not want us to end up sad, alone, and lacking. No, actually He wants us to love, share, be joyful in all situations (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) andddd reap a harvest. He wants us to prosper and, guess what?... We are allowed to want that as well(3 John 1:2). As long as we are living and trusting our lives with His will, there is no shame in being blessed. Funny how God is never the guy we make Him out to be, always cooler, always better, always beyond expectation.