Jesus gives out reality checks

I have a feeling I'm about to be so much more honest than I was planning. This picture, I found it on another girl's blog and I saved it to my computer along with probably 30 others knowing I would at some point insert it into my own blog. I literally thought, "man that one is powerful, I'll use that the next time I'm in a rut." Funny thing is I have tried to write several other post since but I can't get away from this picture.

Then the truth began to bleed out. That is me I've just been ignoring it. I've literally been thinking that because I put my self in places where I should feel Him, that I haven't been distant, even though I've been harden to the presence longer than I like to admit. It's something I do as a defense, I'm supposed to be a leader, someone who's already saved so I shouldn't need to weep at the alter of a service I help put on, or tell my christian friends that I'm not alright and everything isn't rainbows and roses. No, instead I've covered it up with my cynical jokes and smile and arm rises during service worship songs. Wow, I'm being honest.

Father, I'm sorry I've been so distant. I'm sorry that I have silently ran from you and shut myself off to you. This is my sad attempt to humble myself and let anyone know who reads this. I do not have it all together. I am broken a lot. Some days I do need to lay at Your feet because I can't fix everything myself. I can't fix my family and the things that happen to them, I can't change days where everything crashes in around me, BUT I can let you hold me. I can let you whisper that even when I'm by myself, I am not alone and tomorrow will be better.

Keep showing me who I really am so that I can make myself more like You. I love you.