Oh, okay Jesus

I've wasted a whole lot of time trying on different versions of myself in hopes of becoming someone God would find worthy. I've tried to be so many that I have found I barely know myself. My true self, and more than that, my true intentions that make up myself. At the heart of it, I'm the most selfish person I know, but I slap the name Jesus on my motives and it gets me a "get out of jail free card" most times. I've wasted opportunities because I couldn't see one foot in front of the other so I refused to step. I have done everything but the one simple thing. Pray. I've been trying to be in the will of God, but I haven't even bothered to ask God what exactly that is. He's got blinders on me, not because He does not want me to see the glory ahead, but because I'm to stubborn to ask for guidence and have a little faith. So, I'm going to pray and I'm going to document it because I like to be able to look back and see the moves of God in my life and that, my friends, is something I believe is worth sharing.

Father, I pray for a peace beyond understanding, for joy that overflows my cup into the lives all around me. Even when I don't feel you and even when things aren't going as I had planned, help me remember that Your plan is still in motion. I will stand on that. I will stand on You and begin building a faith that cannot be shaken instead of these walls of fear I've lived behind. Place in me a hunger for righteousness and a distaste for all not of You. Give me new eyes to see people as you see them. Ignite a super natural fire. Make this not about me and what my life will become, but about You and how you can use me.
In your holy name.
Amen