Walk it out

Well, I haven't blogged much this week, but I have definitely had a lot on my mind. I've been trying to let a few verses really saturate in me and I think they are truely taking life.

"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God." -Romans 8:5-8

For those of you who ADD out like myself, let me break it down for you the way it was broken down for me. First off who really knows what carnally minded means? If you already did then bravo, cause I didn't have a clue. It means "five senses minded". To elaborate, how many of us have had our feeling hurt and because of it, we say or did things we shouldn't have? How many of us have done something "in the moment" because right then and there it felt so right, only the regret it shortly there after. That is being carnally minded. When we are walking in our flesh we want what WE want, what our BODIES want. When we are walking in our spirit, we want what God wants for us.

If you are like me, that really rocked me. I pretty much responded with, "You mean to tell me that I don't have do what my mind and crazy emotions make me think I need to do? That's great news! Now, how do I do it?"

The answer is simple. Once you give your life to Christ, you have a born again spirit as well as the holy spirit. To walk and operate in the spirit means to know, BELIEVE and walk out the words of God. Yeah, that means scripture. If scripture bores you, then you haven't been reading it because you love God, you've probably been forced to read it and never truely taken it as the words of your savior. I highly suggest you taking another stab at it. Highly. Anyway, thought that was nifty and needed to share. So, in conclusion, walk in the spirit, life's much better that way. :)

Jesus Didn't Play Around

A friend really painted a vivid picture of the disciples for me yesterday and I cannot stop meditating on it. The thought is if we are called to be disciples, which let me go off on a quick tangent.. When I say called to be disciples I don't mean people who claim they know the name Jesus. Those are the same people who put "christian" on their Facebook religious views so that people will consider them a "good person". That, ladies and gentlemen is NOT a disciple. Sorry.

Jesus said if you want to be MY disciple you will love me more than anything in this world including your family. Don't believe me? Matthew 10:37-38 says, "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me, and anyone who does not take up his cross and follow me is not worthy of me."

I don't know about you but the church I grew up in pretty much watered it down so that you could live a normal life and still feel like you were worthy of heaven. NO. Jesus says it plain as day. If you love things of this world more than me than you are not worthy of me. Jesus was not a crowd pleaser. He never begged anyone to follow him. Jesus knew who His father was and he didn't waste time begging those of no faith. God said they have to choice to follow you or not and if they choose not to then continue on. Those who chose to follow were to surrender EVERYTHING... not a little, not just one bad habit.. EVERYTHING, take up the cross and follow. That is a disciple.

With that said, I feel extremely convicted by own behavior. I cannot claim to be a follower of Christ and live the life of this world. I grew up trusting man's words to guide my step and those steps were wrong.

Ready for Holy Wreckage

I've had the weirdest week, thinking all kinds of weird stuff and trying to plan future things that aren't mine to plan and its done nothing but make me a wreck. I'm tired of the letting the world wreck me, I want Jesus to wreck me.

For those not on the same page as me, I don't mean I want Jesus to throw some wrath on me, I'm talking about holy wrecking. I want him to destroy my worldly plans and leave me longing for nothing but Him. I want to be rocked and awakened daily, I want a renewed spirit that yearns for the cross and it's mission. I don't want to be a christian, I want to be a disciple.

The life i've planned doesn't feel right anymore. I feel the tug of the Holy Spirit guiding me into a new light and I feel no inkling to look back. I can't see what's a head of me but I know it's glorious. I want to walk in that glory and I want to radiate it.

I sing, "I live to worship You.." all the time and never mean it. I mean it now whether I'm singing it or not. With my life I will worship the King of Kings. He is my Savior.

Just a Little Nugget

Read this on Christa Black's Blog and had to repost it, even if I'm the only person who reads it, I found it necessary. So enjoy.

"God doesn't look at us and say, 'you deserve a small about of joy today because you haven't been good enough.' He says, 'there are ENDLESS amounts of joy for you, not because of anything you have done to earn it, but because I LOVE TO GIVE IT!'"

Now if that doesn't make you smile and sigh a little than you need to get to know the God I've come to know a little more. This world is all about give and take but Jesus is not. He may have lived in our world but He never chose to partake in it. We do not have to partake either, and yet we chose to take that route knowing that if we do it His way it has the better ending. It took me a long time to learn that I don't HAVE to do it the way the world says or think the way the world thinks. I still find myself forgetting that often, but whether I remember it or not, it is true.

I can think all day that I don't deserve the good things given to me but God always will say "you're crazy, I love you. Please be happy cause it's all I want for you. I don't care what you did, you're forgiven, you're new, all you have to do is come to Me and it is done."

Fear Steals if You Let it.

Well, I'm pretty mad. I just typed an entire post and then boom.. I suppose God didn't like it cause it got deleted. Oh well. I feel like being frank with myself today. I feel like I need that slap. I have been battling with myself over whether I am capable of genuninely caring about another person the way I used to be able to.

I let myself get to a place where I shoved all emotion to the curb because I felt it was easier to not let myself care too much about someone than care and get hurt again. When you let yourself invest everything you have in another person it is always a gamble no matter what the circumstances seem. I believed whole heartedly that my choice was a solid one, so when the walls came crashing down, the damage was bad and the damage cut deep. A wound I scratched so many times I fear it may never fully heal. Wow, I'm being really honest today.

I think a lot about it. I am not some nervous wreck over it, but it keeps me from ever venturing very far. I always come back to what I've always known. I've let fear steal a lot of love from me, but I realize now that, that fear, it's a choice. It's a choice I no longer want to make. Can I love? Yes. That is no longer a question. Will I? Yes. I'm not the same dried up christian I used to be, I know my God now and my God is LOVE. I just need to remind myself that.. about once an hour.

The Best Medicine is Love

Once again I sit, knowing there are things I need to get out, but still holding on so tightly to my thoughts in fear of them coming into light. Which is kind of ironic because it always feels so liberating once I finally get out what I let bounce around in my head making to the point it makes me sick.

How much strength does it take to love? Any at all? I've been thinking about it, even the weakest of the weak.. they are still capable of love. So, why is it that I don't seem able? Could be that I don't want to, more likely it has to do with one word... Fear. Fear is not just a scary word because it indicates that you are afraid of something, it's a scary word because when it can be used to describe something in your life, parts of your life itself are being stolen from you. I let fear steal a lot from me... and that is scary.

A few days ago I touched on how we are never unloved, and if you picked up on it, I am not very good at receiving that kind of love. I think the reason we are able to love one another is because God wants us to be able to tangibly feel a small portion of the way he feels about us. It's hard for me to come to terms with a love like that, that cannot be lost. When you have had your heart torn a part or even just ripped a little, many people, like myself, start to associate their hurt with love. Fellow readers please pay attention. STOP doing that. Seriously I'm quitting too.

That was never God's intention for love. Love is a gift, and when we feel unloved it's usually because we have chosen not to receive it or because we have let someone make us feel that we don't deserve it. That someone is always wrong. ALWAYS. I read the book of Hosea last night. God sent Hosea to marry a prostitute, knowing she would continue her ways even after he married her. Hosea was to love her just the same and it was all meant to represent how we often treat our convenant with God, and yet He just wants us to come home so He can love us just the same. No questions asked. That is love.

"Love the Lord your God, and love one another. Love as He loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion, and no matter what comes against you, don't weaken. Stand against the darkness and love. That's the way back to Eden, that's the way back to life." -Redeeming Love

One Foot in Front of the Other

Well, here I am. Fingers lightly tapping over the keys wondering if being this honest with myself is going to be a good idea. I think it might be. What a scary place to be, it always seems alright to think things in your head but when they are out, able to be seen, read or heard.. I don't know.. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, scrunching my face, preparing to hurl myself into unknown self awareness. Lord, here we go.

I can't fight the urge to purge myself of myself these days. To give you a little background information.. I am going to be vage cause I'm not head deep yet. I have gotten strangely close to the Lord over the past year or so which in turn opened my eyes to just how incredibly human I am. I used to and still more often than I want to admit use 'being human' as an excuse to wallow in the junk of my life. I mean I..am..human so I'm supposed to have junk going on, why not wallow? Those are also the moments where I realize that my faith in my heavenly father sucks. I say I believe, I say I trust but when things start going bad or even really good, I retreat into a self pity that is quite ridiculous.

I have a bad habit giving God humanly emotions in my head, letting myself believe lies like, when something good happens to me that somehow it must be a test or that it's only a matter of time before something goes wrong, that there is no way I deserve to have such good things. LIE My God is not the God of confusion, He is not sitting up there messing with us like were a Sims video game. Gosh I let the enemy in so easily. Another lie I always believe is that things aren't going to be okay. I go into these modes where I somehow believe that the creater of ALL THINGS isn't big enough to get me through whatever it is I'm stuck in. Am I crazy? No, just human.

Each day I am learning though. I am only now beginning to understand what love is. I am only beginning to understand that there is nothing I can ever do to loose that love, which is the greatest love of all time. It's a concept that so many people just like me have a hard time excepting because they think God thinks the way we think. He doesn't. Not even close. If you are one of the lucky few who haven't had a day where they felt unloved, than this may not effect you but for one moment think about it...... really take this in..... You were never unloved, you were never given up on, you were always priceless and worthy, even the days you were a lone and used by other people, the Father of all mankind, of all the universe... loved YOU. Blows my mind because I have gotten so used to this world, so used to worldly love that I almost reject that kind of love. I don't know how to accept it, but one step at a time I am saying Lord, I know you love me and one day I hope I am able to love a fraction of the way you love. One foot in front of the other I'm running. Running away from this world into the supernatural love of my Savior.