Well, I'm pretty mad. I just typed an entire post and then boom.. I suppose God didn't like it cause it got deleted. Oh well. I feel like being frank with myself today. I feel like I need that slap. I have been battling with myself over whether I am capable of genuninely caring about another person the way I used to be able to.
I let myself get to a place where I shoved all emotion to the curb because I felt it was easier to not let myself care too much about someone than care and get hurt again. When you let yourself invest everything you have in another person it is always a gamble no matter what the circumstances seem. I believed whole heartedly that my choice was a solid one, so when the walls came crashing down, the damage was bad and the damage cut deep. A wound I scratched so many times I fear it may never fully heal. Wow, I'm being really honest today.
I think a lot about it. I am not some nervous wreck over it, but it keeps me from ever venturing very far. I always come back to what I've always known. I've let fear steal a lot of love from me, but I realize now that, that fear, it's a choice. It's a choice I no longer want to make. Can I love? Yes. That is no longer a question. Will I? Yes. I'm not the same dried up christian I used to be, I know my God now and my God is LOVE. I just need to remind myself that.. about once an hour.
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