He is moving, He's breath is upon me

He is moving, He is unmasking my shame and fears and restoring my broken heart. He is moving. He shows me His hand and I finally want to take it. He shows me what real beauty is and tells me no mirror can ever reflect what His eyes see in me. He brings me to my knees and breaks down walls I've spent years building. He fought off my old demons and showed me a road of shimmering gold. He washed my mascara smeared face with His blood and called me daughter. He is moving and I can no longer fight it, I don't want to anymore. I'm caught in the fire of His mercy and it is melting the residue of this world from my very being. He is moving.

What an extremely successful Sunday. :) Started off with church, which is always wonderful. I love New Beginnnings. Then, I went grocery shopping, then I studied, ran a couple errands, took a power nap, ran a couple miles, did an abe ripper video, clean the whole apartment, did laundry, and painted some picture frames, now I am blogging and updating my schedule for the next week because I am slightly ridiculous when it comes to planning. Whewww that was a lot of stuff. I can get so much done when I don't spend 70% of my day at the office, which is unavoidable at times, but that is alright. I really do like my job, I just like having a life as well.

Busy week ahead, but the Lord is Good. Amen.

I am happiest when I'm outside and it's just You and me.

My latest theory on boys & iphones

I believe this will be a continuation from last night's post.. I'm just feeling it. Here is my theory on why boyfriends are like iphones. I know you are excited to here this one. Okay, so I don't have a super cool phone, it calls, sends text messages and I can check facebook. That is all. No apps, nothing to make it out of the norm and that is just fine for me. I don't wake up in the morning and hate my life because I can't check email via my phone. BUT when I get around my friends and all of them are typing away on their little iphones and surfing the internet and checking emails and grades and playing music and all the other crazy things you can do now, I kind of start to wish I had an iphone. I start to wonder if I'd be happier if I had an iphone.

Then I think, well I can't do anything about it until my contract is up which is almost another year and I know by then a much cooler version of the iphone will be out, so if I can just be patient I can get something a whole lot better than what is out right now. Boyfriends are the same way. I don't think too much about it until I'm placed in the middle of a bunch of couples and am forced to think about my lacking in that area. Then, of course I always come to the conclusion that my single time isn't up yet and when it is I will get someone way better. Not to mention I am the pickiest person on the planet when it comes to dating someone so the next one is going to have to be God sent. Okay, I think I got it all out this time. :) Sorry for the rambling.

Can I be just a girl for a minute?

I need to be a girl for just a minute. I don't typically write stuff like this because..well, mainly I feel dumb when I read it days later, but whatever. As the later part of my college years are well underway, all of my best friends have begun the pairing off process and are starting to get into serious relationships. Me, on the other hand, single, no prospects. You know it really wasn't even a thought or concern, and rightfully so, until fairly recently. Truthfully I can say yes I am happy and I am not particularly looking for someone to date, but there are those nights where everyone is paired off and I find myself in a drift of thoughts from previous relationships and the giddy joy from feeling loved by another. Luckily, I can snap myself out of it and hope that I don't say something sarcastic about annoying PDA or other comments that would come from a bitter lonely person. Which, I don't want to sound like because I don't consider myself all that lonely.

It's not that I long for someone or need someone to make me happy, it's more so that I miss being a girlfriend and getting to be a part of someone else's life in that way. I miss having a best friend that I loved so much it made me feel ridiculous sometimes. I miss knowing that at the end of a bad day I was a phone call away from an "i love you" and a good laugh. I look forward to finding that again, whenever that may be, but I'd be lying if I said I never think about it or hope that it's coming soon. Of course, I shouldn't waste time on such thoughts but again I am a girl and that's how we are. So, sorry you had to read my more emotional side. Venting feels good every now and then.

:))

God's a funny guy, I like Him

If you are analytical like myself, then you've probably thought so hard about things God does in your life that you loose the fact that He has just moved. For example (I wanted to blog about this a couple days ago but haven't gotten to sit down till just now)....probably eight months ago, I had a lot on my mind about what I wanted and what I thought God wanted and if I was good enough to be telling people about Jesus if I didn't have all the right answers..ect, so in the middle of my shower Isaiah 43:12 came to me. Which to some of you, may not sound that cool but background info.. I am not a bible guru and I am terrible about memorizing scripture and verses do not just "come to me"..ever. So, I thought to myself.. I wonder if there is even 43 books in Isaiah? Even if there are, is there a twelfth verse? Would it mean anything to me? Needless to say I spent way too long thinking about why and how this particular verse popped in my head.. for those too lazy to look it up.. it says:

"I have revealed, and saved and proclaimed,
I am not some foreign god among you.
You are my witness, declares the LORD, that I am God."

While I know we shouldn't give God humanly characteristics, I think He has a sense of humor, at least when He talks to me. I'm sure He laughs at me all the time. I laugh at myself all the time.

i wish i had this kind of time

what would I give to have time in my day to do this...

LOVE THIS

No matter what you are going through you have two choices: you can choose to focus on what is tearing you apart, or you can focus on what is holding you together.

"You were the air in my breath filling up my love soaked lungs,

such a beautiful mess, intertwined and overrun,

nothing better than this, oh let the storm come,

You, feels just like the sun"

-Sara Bareilles :)

Truthfully, I posted this and then decided..eh maybe I'll delete it BUT for some reason it won't let me so I guess this will mean something to someone. If it's you, take it to heart. I stand firm behind telling the truth no matter what it costs you.

thinking out loud

I don't have to work until tonight.. YES I can actually get things done today. Thank the Lord.
Check List..(I have a planning problem)

1) Upload new workout music to iPod.
2) Work out/run (probably just run..but a really good run)
3) Clean apt
4) Finish study guide
5) Call places about volunteer work
6) Plan spring break :) (my vote is the mountains..mansion cabin with 8 person hot tub um yes, but I'm going to get out voted by a cruise) Oh well.. both are good options.
7) Relax..maybe..probably not

Have a nice day folks :P

"The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of His hands."

Psalm 19:1

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."
-Joseph Newton

Beautiful, wonderful, You are,

matchless in every way.

Here in your presence,

we am undone.

Here in your presence

Heaven and Earth become one.

Here in Your presence,

all things are new.

Here in Your presence,

everything bows before You.

Ohh.. That 70's Show

Break my heart for what breaks Yours.

Once again, it's one of those times where I should be doing some homework but instead I'm choosing to blog. Any way can't stop thinking about my kids from the bus ministry I just got involved with. Basically people from church bus in kids from all the government housing in Tuscaloosa and we get to love on them and teach them about Jesus. Pretty awesome right? Any way, I'm not technically a teacher, more like an aid since I'm a newbie, so I spend my time in there not teaching but rather just getting to know the kids. (Side note: it's like 20-30 3rd & 4th grade girls) Tonight, I got to read what some of the girls wrote on their prayer requests. To give you some perspective: one read,

"Please pretect me and my family and I pray we have food on the table next week."

Another read,

"Please help the people that are homeless like my friend Jess and help them to find somewhere to go."

How can your heart not break? I got to talk to one girl for a few minutes and she preceeded to tell me how her, her brother, and her grandmother all share one bed. She said she likes to sleep at the foot of the bed though and pretend she has her own. I could only smile and hug her. How sweet was this little girl who was so happy to have so little. I feel so blessed.

A picture says a thousand words

There are a lot of reasons why I thought twice about posting this picture. It says so much with no words. It takes me to a place I'm glad I'm not. A shame that strips you and leaves you empty. Too many people will look at this picture and not want to ever admit that they have felt everything that this picture embodies. It will be hard to look at and face because it will take them to a secret place, a dark place that they have hidden. There is an unspoken don't ask and don't tell about these moments which is unfortunate because they effect relationships to the core. Secret shame attacks from the inside and it's only mission is to destory. I pray you don't let these moments get swept under the rug.

HAD to reblog this..

"I am not this body, I am not these four walls where my soul is housed.

I am not these hands, but the service I give to others with them.

I am not these legs, but where I go with them.

I am not these arms, but the hurts I soothe with them,

and the love I spread with them.

I am not these ears, but the whispers I hear with them.

I am not these eyes, but the Creation I see with them.

I am not this mouth, but the words I speak with it,

and the smiles I spread with it.

I am not this life, but within me in the Life of Christ.

I am not this world, but the difference I make in it."

I know this is true, I know it.

Joy comes in the morning :)

About me..

I've been blogging now for a while but I have yet to really write about what I am actually like. So, here is somethings about me that you probably don't know:

1) I color code my closet, which is hilarious because I was a messy kid.
2) I have made my bed every day since I moved into my new apartment, mainly because I redid my room and I love seeing it clean. That's three months straight. That's a new record for me.
3) I am one of five kids. I am #4. I have three brothers and one sister. Oh, and a sister-in-law. I guess that makes for six of us now. :) I love our big family. My mom is also one of five, so there are quite a few of us.
4) I am a social work major at the University of Alabama. This is my third major, but I'm pretty sure I'm playing this one for keeps. I absolutely love my major classes and that is a first.
5) My favorite color is blue. In seventh grade I changed it to green for two weeks then decided I still loved blue. My best friend still makes fun of me for it.
6) I've had the same best friend since 6th grade. She now goes to school in Tennessee, but we have a great long distance relationship. :)
7) I love being outside. I love being outside. I love being outside.
8) I would pick dogs over cats anyday. I grew up with three dogs.
9) I love to run. I used to be a cross country runner. I don't do it much anymore because I am slightly more busy than I'd like to be and when I'm home I'm usually relaxing and preparing for the next day. I really miss it though.
10) Honesty is the number one thing I respect about people. I'd take an honest trouble maker over a dishonest bahaved person every time because someone that hides things cannot be helped.

i want this..

i love this. hello organization.

Girls night out!

I hardly ever blog about what I actually do, so here is a snip of my weekend... my roomies and myself drove to Birmingham on Friday night to eat at the Cheesecake Factory. It was delicious.

I love Boy Meets World..it was definitely that best show Disney ever had going for them.

freedom

Little kids & God make me :)

Just cleaned the whole house listening to Billy Joel and Chicago.. I think I was born in the wrong decade. :)

I get small God syndrome

Today, was one of those days where you think everything is in place, then you start to freak out and wonder if something is going wrong and you don't realize it and blah blah blah.... yes, I am very analytical. I do that thing where you think too hard and freak yourself out. Only, I never tell anyone that I'm freaking out, in fact you would probably never know that I am like that unless you can read minds or you clearly read my blog. Anyway, I do have a point.. which is.. that recently I've found that the only way to chill myself out, is to realize that I am simply having momentary "small God syndrome". I like to define it as moments where someone lacks the faith in the intangibly large God that we serve. Seriously, think about it. I know I do it daily.. probably multiple times a day if I'm being really honest. God, You're a big guy. I'm sorry I doubt You sometimes... You know I'll snap out of it after a few minutes.

(totally separate thought)

Went to lunch with my daddy today. If he were in college, I'm pretty sure we'd be bestfriends. I love talking to my dad. I don't think I could lie to that man if I tried, but that's how I like it. I never have to hide anything from him, which makes it easy for him to be honest with me. We have a great father-daughter relationship and I'm thankful for that. He seriously holds our family together and I will always respect him for never complaining, never quitting and always praying. He's the kind of person that never asks for anything but deserves everything. If the man I marry is anything like him, I'll be a lucky girl.

If I could time travel..

Some times I wonder what it would be like if I could sit down with the 16 or 17 year old version of myself. There are a lot of things I would say, but some of them would probably sound like these..

1. You think you are in love, but Kendall, you won't know what that means for a long time.
2. You are selfish, but you think you are righteous.
3. You will cry a lot more in the next four or five years than you can imagine, but it's in your rawest moments that you feel your first few touches from God.
4. When you think things are getting hopeless, don't worry, you never give up.
5. You are going to try to plan everything. Your plans fall in your face. It's okay though, God made a few plans of his own to take their place.
6. You will find yourself when you find God. Yeah, you haven't found Him yet, you just let a bunch of people tell you that you have.
7. You will lose everything only to discover that everything you had wasn't everything. You won't understand for a while and that will be hard.
8. College will be your moment of change and it will happen in a flash. Enjoy the ride.
9. Your family will rip at the seems and you will be the thing that sows them back together. Yes. Your prayers, they come true. Don't give up.
10. Your little brother doesn't hate you, he heard everything you said. He was listening even when you think he wasn't.
11. You'll learn the hard way that you can't fix everything, but it's a beautiful moment when you realize you aren't always supposed to.
12. You'll get to forgive the people you thought you never could. It will make all the difference.