This weekend I came to self revelation. I've had this inner battle going on for, well, years now. It's this battle of whether I am fun enough. I know it sounds ridiculous and dumb, but let me explain. At the very core of me, I am a home body. I love a good laugh, and having fun with my friends (who doesn't?), but at the end of every day including the weekends, I just want to come home and relax. On the flip side, I don't like coming home to an empty house or these days an empty apartment. There is nothing I seem to love more from memories or current moments then walking in and plopping on the couch with a bestfriend. As much of a planner as I am, my most treasured moments are those where nothing really happened other than a great conversation or the uncontrollable laugh that hurts your cheek muscles later.
To explain how I came to this thought let me explain the situation that lead me there. I was discussing with a friend about people going to a bar to hear another friend play and sing. I immediately thought, "Nope not going, no exceptions, you can drop me off at home." The decision was made without a second thought. The intentions behind the decision was what kept me quiet the whole trip home. You see, I didn't say no because of guilt from being a leader in a ministry, I didn't say no because I just wasn't in the mood, and I didn't say no because I was 'just tired'. The truth is, I don't like going out. Whether morals play into it or not, it's just never been my scene. Does that make me lame? Not fun? Maybe. Either way, that's who I am. I'm a craft making, board game playing, movie watching, blogging 21 year old. My roommates occasionally walk in on me making random crafts in the den listening to oldies. I have read more books in the last four years than in my whole life combined. Do I love hosting events and talking to people, absolutely, but when it's over it's time to go home and get away I am more than ready. I always think as I leave that I've lost some kind of playful fun spirit, but truthfully, I've always been that way and now that I'm older, it's not so strange. Fun to me means good times with a small circle of people, whether it's my roommates, my bestfriends, or my future spouse and our life and that is totally okay. If I'm trying to be fun for anyone else, then there is something wrong.
To explain how I came to this thought let me explain the situation that lead me there. I was discussing with a friend about people going to a bar to hear another friend play and sing. I immediately thought, "Nope not going, no exceptions, you can drop me off at home." The decision was made without a second thought. The intentions behind the decision was what kept me quiet the whole trip home. You see, I didn't say no because of guilt from being a leader in a ministry, I didn't say no because I just wasn't in the mood, and I didn't say no because I was 'just tired'. The truth is, I don't like going out. Whether morals play into it or not, it's just never been my scene. Does that make me lame? Not fun? Maybe. Either way, that's who I am. I'm a craft making, board game playing, movie watching, blogging 21 year old. My roommates occasionally walk in on me making random crafts in the den listening to oldies. I have read more books in the last four years than in my whole life combined. Do I love hosting events and talking to people, absolutely, but when it's over it's time to go home and get away I am more than ready. I always think as I leave that I've lost some kind of playful fun spirit, but truthfully, I've always been that way and now that I'm older, it's not so strange. Fun to me means good times with a small circle of people, whether it's my roommates, my bestfriends, or my future spouse and our life and that is totally okay. If I'm trying to be fun for anyone else, then there is something wrong.
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