Even when I run, You infinitely reach

Lately, I've been fighting this insane internal battle that I haven't wanted to talk about because I hadn't figured it all out and that scared me. I'm an all or nothing, trust you or completely don't, love you or don't care for you kind of girl, but these past few weeks I've been walking a gray line about a lot of things and it was making me question myself more than I ever like to show. Fortunately, today was different. Today I felt the hope and peace and comfort that most days I just wear like an old t-shirt but never feel further than my etched on smile and dry winter skin. It makes for a good cover but not for any real resolve. It's not like getting dressed in the morning. You can't just put those feelings on and always have them sink deep into your bones. I try. I play the part well in fact. I'm not sure what is so different about today, but it felt new when I woke up. Fresh. Whatever I was walking through is starting to lift and it feels good. Jesus, you feel good on me. I'm sorry I run when I get nervous. I think fear of embrace is far more frightening sometimes than the actual embrace of whatever it is that you are afraid of. Atleast that's how it is in my life.